Cobra Commander Goes To Brunch
by Red Witch
Summary: Cobra tries a networking breakfast to meet new allies. But there's something strangely familiar about them.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any GI Joe characters is covered in maple syrup and whipped cream. More fun from my deranged mind. **

**Cobra Commander Goes To Brunch**

"This is by far the **stupidest **idea Cobra has ever had," Cobra Commander grumbled. "And believe me that's a pretty hard standard to beat!"

"Commander," Destro sighed, trying to be patient. "You know we need more allies…"

"But a networking brunch?" Cobra Commander groaned as he looked at the huge buffet table. "Granted it's a nice room and a huge spread but really…"

"Commander please…" Xamot sighed.

"Behave yourself," Tomax warned. Both men were wearing expensive business suits.

"It never hurts," Xamot began.

"To have friends," Tomax added.

"In high places," Both twins said at the same time.

"You know it always ticks me off when you two do that," Cobra Commander gave them a look. "I know you only have one brain in two bodies but could you at least try to use **complete sentences?** It's like you two are some kind of bad cartoon characters!"

"No, they just have bad taste in women," The Baroness smirked.

"Baroness please try not to antagonize Cadet Deming," Xamot glared at her.

"We know you have…" Tomax began.

"Issues with her…" Xamot added.

"See that's what I am talking about!" Cobra Commander interrupted. "**One **at a time! Talk one **full sentence** at a time! Can you do that? Even Road Pig can do that! And he's got a split personality!"

"Speaking of which Zartan and the Dreadnoks aren't here are they?" Destro looked around.

"No, I sent them on another mission while we put up with these cockamamie weirdoes," Cobra Commander looked around the room in distaste. "I mean seriously, who dresses in leisure suits anymore?"

"Big talk from a man in a blue uniform and a cowl," The Baroness glared at him.

"The cowl makes it easier for me to eat aside from my usual helmet," Cobra Commander snapped. "You want me to take it off?"

"Oh good lord no!" Destro paled.

"The last time you did that we had five people jump out the window and three of them killed themselves!" The Baroness groaned.

"Well then knock it off with the fashion critique," Cobra Commander said. Then a man walked by dressed like an albino peacock. "Okay maybe with one or two exceptions…Who are these lunatics anyway?"

"The Malevolent Association of Malicious Antagonists has been around for centuries and is a very well established criminal syndicate in Australia," Destro explained.

"Destro, their acronym is MAMA! How tough could they be?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Do not underestimate the might of the Association," A helmeted figure in a green uniform stepped towards them. He was flanked by a man in a gold mask and gold uniform and a blonde haired woman with an eye patch and blue uniform. "I am the Overlord! And these are my associates: Commander Krel and the Countess."

"Please partake of our sumptuous buffet, while I go check on other matter," The Countess spoke in an unidentifiable Eastern European accent.

CRASH! SMASH!

"WHOOPIE!" Some one shouted happily.

"The Trepidation Patrol is using the china for skeet shooting isn't it?" Overlord sighed.

"I told Doctor Psychemolder not to let them come here but nooo…" Countess walked away.

"Oh well," Cobra Commander took a cruller and stuffed it under his hood so he cold eat it. "Might as well get a free meal out of this."

"Is it me or does this all seem…?" Tomax asked.

"Strangely familiar?" Xamot added.

"Yes…" Both said at the same time.

"These crullers are delicious!" Cobra Commander was surprised. "I mean really. Normally pastries at these things are sub par but this! So fluffy!"

"Yes well I think we can all come up with an alliance that is mutually beneficial," Destro said. "I think we could come to some agreement."

"I think I'm in love," Cobra Commander looked at the half eater cruller and stuffed more under his hood. He talked as he ate. "Unbelievable. I've never had a pastry this good in ages!"

"This is a momentous occasion," Overlord said. "Our two organizations working together in order to rule the world. This isn't some paltry deal behind closed doors…"

"This isn't like the crap we get back at the lair," Cobra Commander was enjoying the pastry.

"Commander could you focus for a moment please?" Destro sighed.

"Who's your caterer?" Cobra Commander was stuffing another cruller under his hood. "Seriously! I need his number!"

"Yes well Commander Krel why don't you tell Cobra…" Overlord looked at Commander Krel who was staring out into space. "Commander Krel? Commander Krel! Planet Earth to Commander Krel!"

"I'm sorry," Commander Krel sighed. "I'm a bit distracted. It's not every day a man comes home early at night and finds his wife in bed with his business partner."

"Oh I'm sorry," The Baroness said. "That must have been a shock."

"Tell me about it," Commander Krel sighed. "Rodger's never been home that early before! He caught me red handed! Excuse me…I have to go…do something…" He staggered away.

"Okay…" The Baroness blinked.

"Uh perhaps I should introduce you to some more members of my organization? These are my business associates: The Lotus Flower Corporation," Overlord pointed to three identical triplets with black hair and identical impeccable outfits. "May, June, and April Lotus. They also run my personal royal guard."

"Greetings," May said.

"We are glad…" June spoke.

"To meet your acquaintance," April added.

"Great. More of that," Cobra Commander grumbled.

"Overlord we must go," May spoke.

"To check on more proceedings," April added.

"And to make sure that the fire in the kitchen is out," June finished as they left.

"Do we really sound like **that?**" Xamot looked at his twin.

"That _is_ annoying," Tomax agreed.

"Told you," Cobra Commander ate another pastry. "Speaking of annoying, Where is Cadet Deming anyway?"

"Oh she's probably tied up somewhere," The Baroness smirked.

"Uh oh…" Destro gulped. He knew that tone all too well.

"What did you…" Tomax fumed.

"Do to her you harpy?" Xamot snapped.

"Do what?" The Baroness pretended to be innocent. "She's fine. She has plenty of air. I think."

"You didn't lock her in the trunk again did you?" Xamot snapped.

"We're coming Honey Cake!" Tomax yelled as he ran off with his twin.

Destro looked at the Baroness. "What? She gets on my nerves!" The Baroness snapped. "It's not like I shot her again."

"Yes well as I was saying…" Overlord began. Suddenly there was a huge commotion. "Now what?"

"Bruce! Bruce put down the gun! YIKES!" Commander Krel yelled as he was being chased by a soldier wearing armor. "SO I SLEPT WITH YOUR WIFE FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS! DEAL WITH IT!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Bruce screamed as he chased him around.

"Not again…" Overlord sighed.

"I don't know what you are complaining about! There is a great chance those two kids she had are yours anyway!" Commander Krel yelled. "YEOW! MY BUTT!"

An omelet flew over their heads. "WILL YOU MORONS STOP WITH THE FOOD FIGHT ALREADY?" The Countess screamed. "AAAAH! I'VE GOT WHIPPED CREAM IN MY HAIR!"

"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Someone yelled.

"This is going better than I expected," Overlord sighed.

"Your people are shooting each other and causing mayhem!" Destro yelled.

"Wow, you and Cobra really do have a lot in common," Cobra Commander was impressed. "Maybe we can do business after all?"

BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"**Now** what's going on?" Destro yelled as the building shook.

"Oh no! Not them! Not **them!**" Overlord yelled. "They can't be here! Not now! Not now!"

"Who? Who's here?" The Baroness flinched at the sound of laser guns going off and everything outside getting blown up. "Not GI Joe!"

"Worse! It's the Australian equivalent of GI Joe!" Overlord shouted. "The Outback Brigade!"

"WHO?" Cobra Commander yelled.

"GO JOEYS!" A blonde muscled commander burst into the room wearing a tan uniform and a really big gun.

"It's Bishop!" Overlord shouted.

"Don't forget me boys," A red haired female with a crossbow arrived and started shooting things up. "Vixen!"

"Duchess Kaye and Gravel bringing up the rear!" A brown haired woman with a ponytail and a gun came running in with a man with a beret and a javelin.

"Here comes Dingo and the Baby!" A heavyset dark skinned Australian with a large dog jumped in. "With No Dice bringing up the rear!" A woman covered completely in a red ninja outfit leapt in.

"Watch out bad guys here come Shipshape!" A bearded sailor leapt into the fray.

Destro looked at the Overlord. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Come on out and fight like a man Overlord!" An Australian General burst in.

"You'll never take me alive General Eagle!" Overlord screamed as he ran away.

"GET HIM! TAKE THEM DOWN! BLOW THE PLACE UP! GO JOEYS!" The Outback Brigade shouted as they started to fight. While the Cobras stood at the sidelines, shocked and stunned.

"You have **got** to be kidding me," Destro blinked. "This is a joke! This has to be a joke!"

"Yeah and it's on us. They are carbon copies of the GI Joe team!" The Baroness was stunned.

"Okay I think it's time for us to leave," Cobra Commander said to his people. "Grab the crullers and go!"

"Don't forget to duck and cover!" The Baroness said as they all dropped to their knees. Cobra Commander grabbed a plate of pastries before they started to scoot away from the mayhem on all fours. They crawled away as fast as they could while their hosts and their uninvited guests brawled and shot each other.

"I tell you one thing about this business," Cobra Commander quipped. "You do meet a lot of interesting people!"


End file.
